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When I first traveled to Europe with my elegant grandmother back in the 60’s, the first trip for us both, nothing was of greater concern to her(who turned 106 this month) than the vagaries of unknown plumbing. My parents had been many times, and reassured her she’d be fine. Still, back then, one could expect to find rather unfamiliar accommodations at times. As a result, Grandmother insisted we carry rolls of American toilet paper in our purses at all times.
My, how times have changed. At least they have at the five-star hotels that I recently visited in Europe. These days, it almost takes an advanced engineering degree to take complete advantage of the available facilities. – Or a degree in art history to fully appreciate the creativity and imagination of European plumbing. It’s not the same-old, same-old, that’s for sure. On this recent European tour, the facilities and the challenges of the electricity were constant sources of giggles and late-night laughter between my traveling buddy and me.Our first stop was the exquisite new Peninsula Paris (which I wrote about before it opened; since it’s one of the hottest news topics in the travel industry). Frankly, when I was there earlier this month, it wasn’t completely finished, although the open floors were fully operational.
Wonder was the operative emotion as I explored the room. There was a printer, a fax, complimentary VOIP telephone service, a finger polish dryer, a heated bathroom floor and more lights in my smallish room than are in the downstairs of my entire house. And all of it is controlled by an ipad. The giggle topic there was two-fold and was often repeated throughout the trip. Japanese toilets are the “thing.” I’ve included a shot of one example of the control panel. I’ll let the graphics speak for themselves. Let’s just say Grandmother would have had to worry about TP for a completely hygienic experience…..
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Not only were the bathrooms a topic of conversation, the lighting schemes were also an opportunity for Mensa-level mental calisthenics. Before I continue, I want to make it clear that EVERY bathroom I experienced, tubs, showers, marbles, sinks, faucets, heated floors, heated towel racks, and more were close to being, if not completely, works of art they were so clean, elegant, and beautiful. The array of marbles have me brainstorming how to update my own baths. So my warped sense of humor is being delivered in the context of extraordinary opulence. Back to the lighting. Ok, the newest thing , which a few US hotels are also beginning to have as well, is the ipad control panel. These hotel rooms, don’t just have one or two lights, though. There are dozens, it seems. There are recessed lighting fixtures, lights in corners, lights over the bar areas, lights in hallways, lights in closets, lights in safes, lights by beds, curtains that open and shut near the lights, cabinets that open and shut electronically, and, even, as I mentioned, finger nail polish that is controlled through the ipad. At the Peninsula, our room had an entire room devoted to the electronic cables and panels required to manage the room. Does a Boeing 787 has as many electronic parts? (If so, and, of course, it has more, then some enterprising entrepreneur has a major opportunity some day to decrease the cabling required!)
Imagine that you have flown all night, walked the arrondissement until your feet are dropping trying to stay awake long enough to go to sleep early as you strive to sync with the local time. You know your brain is not functioning anywhere near on all cylinders, and you want to go to sleep.
You reach for the light switch and realize no, gotta use the ipad. But no matter what areas of the damn thing you touch, everything but the lights turn off. After a while, you either scream or get the giggles. We got the giggles, repeatedly. Then, there’s the odd experience of someone visiting the bathroom in the middle of the night and weird noises, fans, and other mechanical activities are activated. It is so awkward to call the front desk at the most elegant hotel in the world and ask them how to turn off the toilet at 3 am. I mean, lights
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